Saga of Stardust

Entryway

Well, you don't know what else you were expecting.

Hewn from stone and illuminated with magic, the foyer of the Stardust Academy is every bit as old and proud as you imagined it to be. Trophies accumulated over hundreds of years line the walls, while banners and tapestries hang from the ceiling itself. Enchanted candles flicker in sconces, providing a comfortable level of ambient light. It's... all very stately, but you wouldn't expect anything else from a castle, now, would you?

Atmosphere aside, the entrance is what you'd expect from a higher education facility. Manned by a disinterested-looking student, a booth sits to one side with plenty of brochures, campus maps, etc cetera. On the other side of the foyer are some luxurious couches that you can sit on if you're waiting for someone. Ah, there's reading material here, too- but it's all copies of Wizard Cricket Monthly. Shame.

There are various doors that lead off further into the castle, and there's also a grand staircase at the back of the foyer that leads to the higher floors. (If you don't want to or can't take the stairs, don't worry- you can take the elevator right next to it instead. What? Yes, of course it's magic. Wizards are very big on accessibility.)

Oh, and the whole place seems to have some sort of heating spell cast on it, given that the temperature is a lot more cozy than the frigid conditions outside. Thank the heavens.

Grand Hall

It's Grand! And it's a Hall! Wow!

...Okay. More specifically, this is clearly where the student body gathers if there's an event of some sort. You could fit a LOT of people in here. The back of the hall is raised into a stage, although there's nothing on it at the moment, and large crimson curtains are draped behind that. If you draw the curtains, or simply duck behind them, you can see there's a storage area for furniture and the like. Chairs, benches, a speaker's podium, some... stage props... whatever you need, really.

The rest of the room is empty, save for the (impressive!) decorations on the walls. There's more trophies in here, sure, but also portraits- portraits of former headmasters, accomplished alumni, not-so-accomplished alumni who paid top dollar to get painted anyway, etc cetera. Next to one such portrait is a... rune? Hmm. Ah, it's a control panel! Or a magic version of one, anyway. Messing with it causes the lighting to change in the hall- from dim, to bright, to disco colors. My god, you could throw a wizard rave in here.

Courtyard

Paved with intricate tiles and decorated with statues of (what else?) wizards, the Courtyard is a lovely place to spend time in if you need a breath of fresh air. Castles... can get pretty stuffy. In the middle of the yard itself is a large gazebo, where well-loved wooden tables and chairs are scattered in a haphazard fashion. One wonders just how many last-minute essays were written here. If you're getting cold there's enchanted lanterns which radiate heat, or you can just drape a blanket over your knees. While populated with other students more often than not, if you're lucky you can get the luxury of the gazebo all to yourself.

The rest of the courtyard is a fairly standard affair. Lots of statues, lots of garden beds, benches, a couple of trees, and a little toad-themed water feature behind the gazebo. All very nice, although, again, a little cold if you're not acclimated to the Welsh weather. If you care to look underfoot, you can see the tiles of the courtyard all feature an astrological theme. And... what's this? Huh. Someone's carved RS <3 WRG on this tile. Aw.

Kitchens

You're, uh, not sure you're meant to be in here, but the kitchen staff don't seem to mind, so it's probably fine. This is exactly what you'd expect- a massive kitchen, capable of providing meals for an entire student body, even without any of the luxuries modern technology provides. Who needs that, anyway? There's an enchanted icebox with preservation charms for perishables, an elevator to the pantry on the second floor stocked to the rafters, a cauldron so big you could fall in, and various other enchanted cooking contraptions.

And, of course, lots and lots of bench space. Many utensils, some of which you aren't sure what their use is. Clean tiles underfoot, helpful posters on health and safety on the walls, and a painting of a plump, dangerous looking lady hanging above the cauldron itself. She reminds you a bit of a lionfish. Hmm... Well. Whoever she is, she's going to be judging your soup making skills from on high, so you better hope you're up to snuff.

Hey. Actually. What's up with this cauldron? It's got magic roiling off it. You kind of... have the urge to throw random ingredients in and see what happens. But that's insane. Right?

Library

What type of academy would this be without a library? Exactly. This is everything you imagined it'd be, and then some; it's a multi-storey affair, in fact. The temperature is warm, the atmosphere cosy, and the couches old as hell. You can't even begin to imagine how many scholars have spent their days in here nestled up absorbing knowledge; even if you're not the academic sort, you can't help but be just a little bit excited at following in their footsteps. It doesn't hurt that all the books in here are safeguarded against spills, so you're more than welcome to have a coffee or a biscuit while you learn.

The library spans three storeys. If you do need to get between floors in a hurry, there's fireman's poles enchanted to pull you up or down if you grab them. Why? Hm. Maybe best not to ask. The reception at the front isn't always manned, but you can pick up a guide that directs you to what type of book is stored where. If you're in the mood for something different, they also have an extensive collection of illustrated tapestries and... a vinyl listening room? Huh! Would you look at that, there's a bunch of old record players in here. A sign posted to the wall helpfully explains that "this technology is analog enough to work, but please don't cast spells in here, just in case".

Cool. Guess you can listen to that Lana Del Rey vinyl you brought with you. You did bring one, right?

Museum

Ah, you've been looking forward to this. The Stardust Academy is well known for owning a vast collection of artefacts collected from across the globe- with permission, of course, we aren't the British Museum here. Talismans, sculptures, boar vessels, magical devices; they're all present for you to boggle at, pose in front of, or research like the postgrad student you are. You are taking this all seriously, right? Right?

Honestly, you're not quite sure where to begin. If you can name a magical culture or ancient wizard dynasty, there's at least one something-or-another from that period present here. Pick up a map from the front desk and go check out the exhibit on Selkie pelts, perhaps? Or- oh, hey, they've got a limited-time Zangbeto feature as part of an exchange with the institute in Togo? Neat!

Ah, but that's not all that's here. The museum is actually split into two wards; one contains physical items, while the other is dedicated to paintings. By goodness, they're beautiful, aren't they? You swear that you could simply... step into some of them. Uh, don't do that, though. The repair bill would be astronomical.

Gardens

You'd heard that castle grounds were huge, but this is absurd. You could spend all day out here and still not see all there is to see! Directly exiting the castle brings you into a sprawling garden, but you can see a massive greenhouse beyond that. Bordering the greenhouse is an oval, with cricketing gear already set up; you wonder, vaguely, how many times a cricket ball smashed through the greenhouse before they set up a warding spell.

Well, you can investigate those later. For now you'll check out the garden. It's... beautiful, for lack of a better word, and clearly grown with a lot of love and effort. A long pathway runs down the middle, interrupted by a central fountain, and then the garden is split into four quadrants. If you're in a hurry to get to the other parts of the grounds you can just hustle through down here. But why not stop to smell the flowers?

As you visit each quadrant, you can feel the air itself change around you; there are different sections for different flora, and each flowerbed has a spell cast on it to replicate the ideal conditions for its growth. There's a vague theming to the way the plants are laid out- the cactuses are grouped together, for instance- but otherwise things just seem to be planted based on vibes. It's very nice. Just keep your hands away from the mandragoras.

Greenhouse

Stepping in here hits you with a wave of heat. Whew! You'd almost forget you were in Wales; the moist, humid environment feels like you just got transplanted into the equator. Exotic, tropical plants bloom all around you, some of which you're entirely unfamiliar with. And, of course, a lot are moving of their own accord.

There's many rows of benches in here, all with pots and plants and pruning implements of some sort, and you can see an elaborate watering system looped in from outside. Some nasty looking plants have wards around them that rebuff their attempts to bite passers-by. At the very back of the greenhouse is a curtain, which reveals a messy office once pulled back. Papers, papers everywhere... and why does this folder have "AUDREY 4" written on it?

Cricket Pitch

This oval is in immaculate condition and ripe for a game of Wizard Cricket. The white picket fence around the oval seems ordinary at a glance, but reaching your hand out to touch it reveals an extremely powerful warding barrier; if you're the perceptive sort, you can see if forms a dome that encapsulates the whole oval. How much damage has been done by Wizard Cricket that it needs this much protection?!

Well. Moving on. There's a small shack nearby which contains all the equipment you need for cricket, some equipment you don't need for cricket, and some equipment which would be highly concerning if used for cricket. And yet here it is all the same. You feel a sense of dread in your gut.

Lake

Towards the back of the grounds is a large lake with a single island in the middle. The water is murky- not surprising, given the weather- but clean, with a healthy population of fish and other marine critters. Waterfowl flit to and from on the surface of the lake, building their nests in the shrubs and reeds that line the water's edge. It's all very peaceful. Swimming is ill-advised- there's a sign posted that says as much- but there is a wooden bridge that takes you across to the central island.

Here lies a small flower garden, another wizard statue, some stone benches, and a little memorial. You aren't sure who the memorial is for given that it looks at least a hundred years old, but it's very pretty. There isn't a lot to do here otherwise. Bring a sketchbook and draw some ducks, perhaps?

Woods

The grounds are bordered by a sprawling, expansive patch of woods. The trees are old and intimidating, looming overhead, clearly older than you can begin to imagine. A little dirt road has been carved out into the forest that takes you for an half-hour stroll, but that's the furthest you can go without hacking a path yourself. And, honestly, you don't really want to, not with the amount of eyes you can feel watching you while you walk down the dirt road.

If you check your map, you can see a little note that reads that the road is specifically warded to keep you safe. It does not specify what it's keeping you safe from, nor does it specify what would happen if you went off the road. Presumably they figure you're smart enough not to find out.

Faculty Cabins

Wandering away from the greenery takes you to a series of wood cabins set up next to the forest outskirts. A sign posted up at the entrance indicates that this is where the faculty live, and students should not enter without permission or a good reason. Well, uh, fair enough.Loitering around for too long will get you yelled at by a groundskeeper.

Dorm Building

About a five minute walk away from the castle is the stone building where you, and the rest of your fellow Free Ride Thesis buddies, will be laying your head to rest each night. You can enter through the front or the back, although the back door has a bell that jingles annoyingly whenever someone opens the door, and your room will be on either the first or second storey.

The dorm itself is warm and inviting. Many, many students have stayed here over the years, and reminders of their presence can be felt at every turn. The ground floor, which serves as reception and recreation room both, is stuffed full of mementoes- framed photos on the walls, novelty lamps, mismatched blankets on the furniture and old sentiments carved into tables- and the aesthetic carries through to the hallways. As with every other multi-storey building, you can take the stairs or a magically powered elevator between floors.

Your room itself is neat and tidy. Two beds are pushed up against the left and right walls respectively, there's carpet under your feet, and an old desk sits in front of the window. You can open the window if you'd like, but... given how cold and wet it is on any given day, you may wish to rethink doing so. A wooden armoire is set out at the foot of each bed for you to store your clothes, positioned in a way that opening the door gives you privacy for getting changed. Convenient.

There's a bathroom for every two dorm rooms, as well as an emergency bathroom next to the ground floor back exit if you've made the mistake of trying the weekly special at Flimsy Steve's. Each bathroom has a combined shower/bathtub, a toilet, a washbasin, and a bowl of potpourri. The potpourri seems to infinitely refill itself. Whether you like it or not.

Next to the dorm buildings are a series of similar but larger buildings. This is where the other students are staying, presumably. There's also a smaller building for furniture storage, but you can't enter that.

Lecture Halls

There are four lecture halls located on the second floor. Each is built to accommodate a large amount of students; in fact, there are several dividing partitions handy in case a lecture hall needs to be subdivided to hold several smaller classes. All four halls are filled with benches and chairs, and all four halls have a massive blackboard on the wall furthest from the entrance.

Cabinets by the entrance offer everything you need for academic learning. Paper, pens, quills if you're really oldschool, ink, chalk, abacuses- and some more esoteric things, such as magic tomes. With that said, there's nothing here to facilitate heavy-duty casting. You'd need to go to a casting laboratory for that.

Currently, all four of them are empty. You can see some calculations and diagrams writ in chalk that've been half-erased, presumably from other students, but other than that, you're free to do whatever you want in here. Do note, however, that the blackboards are warded to specifically prevent you from drawing penises on them.

Casting Labs

Next to the lecture halls on the second floor are four casting laboratories. Upon entering, the first thing you'll notice is the bright yellow cabinets filled with PPE; yes, this does include hazmat wizard hats. Tearing your eyes away from the cabinets, you'll notice that the casting labs are built in an arena-like fashion, with benches surrounding a circular clearing in the middle of the room. A large blackboard hangs on the far wall, but the other walls are covered in a mixture of warning signs and complicated spell diagrams.

Glowing glyphs above the doorway indicates that these labs are far, far more heavily shielded against magic than the lecture halls. You could set off anything short of an arcane nuke in here and the building would be unscathed... although the same can't be said for you. Please wear the PPE.

Astronomy Tower

Located at the far left side of the castle, the tower's entrance is on the second floor, but spirals up until you reach a classroom far higher than any other in the academy. With the walls draped in blue velvet and the lighting dim, it's easy to just curl up and go to sleep in here- but if you did, you'd miss the chance to take a look at exactly what's on offer.

There are two rooms here at the top of the tower. The first, the classroom proper, has a series of control glyphs on the wall that allow students to project magical illusions of the night sky in the air; these can be manipulated at will, or shrunk down so that you can refer to them while sitting at one of the desks in here.

The second is the stargazing room, which holds an absolutely massive golden telescope. It is magnificent. You cannot begin to imagine how much this thing cost. As technology cannot work around magic, the telescope is powered by a series of intricate glyphs etched around each magnifying lens. Peeking through it... well... um... ah. Peeking through it gives you nothing right now because it's extremely overcast. Try again later?

Rooftop Tea House

There's a small door you can walk through on the second floor that leads to an extremely old-fashioned elevator. Taking it up leads you to a courtyard on the roof itself, which has been fashioned into... a teahouse! Unexpected, but definitely pleasant. You wonder who was responsible for making this.

The teahouse itself is traditionally styled with paper lanterns suspended in the air and mahjong tables tucked into every corner. A woven glyph lattice above your heads prevents rain from falling on you, allowing you to enjoy the open-air structure at any time. It's not going to do anything about the cold, though- you have to drink some hot tea to take care of that.

If you choose to seat yourself at a table, mahjong or otherwise, one of the waitstaff will run out from behind the counter to take your order. They offer a variety of teas- black, white, green, red, or fruity- and sweet things like bolo bao for you to snack on. The cost is covered by your free ride here, but don't go too wild, okay?

Study Hall

Making up the majority of the fourth floor is the study hall, with its inexplicably patterned low-pile carpet and colorful murals on the wall. Some things don't change even in wizard universities. It is full of large, round tables. Each one has a glyph on it that muffles out all sound coming from more than two meters away, though not blocking it out entirely in case someone needs to be warned about a fire or a sapient cactus running amok.

If the magical silence bubbles aren't enough and you really need some privacy, you can check out one of the four private study rooms on the far north wall. These have more reinforced magical warding so that you can cast magic in them without causing a problem, and have large conference tables on the inside and a blackboard.

The study hall is staffed by a few very tired students trying to pay off their tuition because they didn't get the full-ride scholarship, or pad their resume, and a small army of helpful mammets who will watch your table if you need to get up to use the restroom, or store your items if you took too long and there were people waiting for an open table.

Artifice Labs

Located in the basement of the Stardust Academy, mostly due to the fact that the magical shielding needed to protect the highly sensitive equipment meant they may as well set it as the building's foundation. The lab is separated into four rooms divided by magically reinforced glass partitions, with a hallway between them. The atmosphere of the labs can only be described as... whimsical?

There's a bunch of very delicate bits and bobs and whirlygigs and contraptions flying around and spinning and letting out puffs of steam and smoke in myriad colors. There's crystals in every size, gems in every color and facet, and nigh infinite orbs to ponder. It's generally advised that you don't touch or approach anything that you don't know what it does, because it might be a student's personal project, but the truly dangerous objects are behind glass cases and wards.

If you want to make your own magical gizmos, one of the four rooms is solely dedicated to being a workshop, with several forges and workbenches and tools and lathes and so on. As a result, it's also a whopping 10 degrees celsius hotter in here than the rest of the labs. Maybe that's why everyone does their projects in winter?

Alchemy and Potions Labs

Despite being accessed through the basement, the first thing you'll notice is that the ceiling is particularly high, and how well-ventilated it is. Vents run all through the walls, and grates are situated on the floor to clean up any spills. As with the casting labs, there's multiple signs on the wall reminding you to wear your Wizard PPE, as well as normal PPE. Chemical spills are no joke, kids.

Honestly, take one of those lab rooms from high school, and you're not far off. Linoleum floors, those black rectangular tables that were always too high, with glassware and test tubes and at the end of each one is a big honking cauldron affixed to the table with a metal loop. There's even a few of those chemical hoods on the walls.

There's a supply room, which you can only enter if a professor with the key (or their TA) lets you in, that has everything you'd expect of a proper apothecary. Despite common belief, eye of newt is not used in anything anymore.

The Vault

Officially named the Offices of the Registrar, Bursar, and Administration, students and faculty alike coloquially refer to this section of the basement with its thick metal doors and imposing frame as The Vault. This is where you would go if you needed to pay your tuition, if you weren't being offered a full ride. It's also where you can register for your courses, since online registration isn't a thing when magic shorts out anything more complicated than the original gameboy.

All of the professors have offices down here as well, so if you need to meet with one you'll find them here eventually. Otherwise this isn't a place you should want to spend too much time in, unless you're interested in the only Tab Soda Vending Machine in the entire United Kingdom that's located in the lobby.

The Cisterns

Did you know there's a basement beneath the basement? Now you do!

Only accessible via elevator now these days with a special code (it's been 1111 since 1913. It won't change), this leads you to the old cisterns and sewers. or rather, a catwalk above them. No, your business doesn't end up here - the castle has been connected to the municipal water and waste systems since they were established. You're wizards, not barbarians.

However, they do serve a purpose. In case you haven't noticed, it rains a lot. These cisterns will fill up when the lake reaches flood conditions, to protect the castle, and slowly filter out over time. It's also where magical runoff is deposited and stored until it becomes inert so uhh, don't step in anything you don't recognize.

The Crypts

Blocked by an old oaken door that has seen better days, these crypts are dimly lit with green enchanted candles, and the low ceiling means that even the shortest of you are going to be forced to duck when walking through. Possibly by design, to keep you bowing your head in reverence, as this is where the most esteemed wizardly minds to have walked through the halls of Stardust Academy have been laid to rest.

Each slot in the crypt has been sealed magically, so no you can't steal one of Merlin's ribs or something fucked up. There are old plaques covering each seal, with a profile image of the person interred within, and their name, date of birth and death, and a little blurb about them. Sometimes it's a quote, sometimes it's about what they're famous for. Usually it's incomprehensible unless you're familiar with early Welsh or Middle English or Medieval French, or really good at Latin.

If your thesis is revolutionary enough, perhaps one day you too will be able to have this as your final resting place! (...too soon?)

The Dungeon

Don't get too excited. There's nobody to detain, torture, draw, or quarter these days. It's mostly used as a storage room by the Academy- it's where all that extra armor is carefully stored, those obsolete artifacts are kept while the faculty decides what to do with them, and a bunch of furniture. So much furniture.

There's also a small plush dragon kept in a cage suspended from the ceiling. Because wizards still have a sense of humor.

Town Stores

Called the "Castle Town" or the "Stardust Hamlet", there's a small offering of stores towards the entrance of Stardust Academy, a bit of a ways away from Castle proper. After the owner of Geoff's Boots And Hats Limited was chased out of town, and Ethel's Antique's closed shop when the owner retired, there's really only two stores still running.

The first is the campus bookstore and supply store. You can buy all your textbooks here, any magical supplies you're expected to own, as well as all the Stardust Academy merch you could dream of. All wonderfully overpriced because you can't get shit anywhere else. The books and supplies are covered by your full-ride. The wizard jumper with the Seal of Stardust Academy comes out of your own pocket.

The other is a general store. On the outside it's rather modest, but once you're inside, it's about the size of a Wal-Mart or K-Mart or Tesco, and about as well stocked. You can get most anything here that isn't electronic. This also comes out of your own pocket.

Clinic

There's a little NHS clinic in the Castle Town as well. Though any magical injuries such as being turned an unpleasant shade of puce or being morphed into a frog or having your soul explode would be handled by the Stardust Academy faculty. For your standard broken bones, flus, and so on, the clinic is here.

It sure is a clinic. A sterile waiting room with too many chairs and outdated magazines. A very nice receptionist is at the desk, slightly overwhelmed by all the wizard stuff but doing their best. There's a sign on the wall reminding you not to cast magic in here, as more modern tech is used than you'd find otherwise. It's arguably the only "modern" place in the whole campus. Good money is spent to keep it that way.

Flimsy Steve's

Every proper town has a proper pub. And since 1991, that pub here has been Flimsy Steve's. Old Flimsy Steve himself doesn't do much with the bar himself anymore, but his son, Steven, manages it in his stead.

It's an absolute fucking dive. The beer is just cheap enough you don't care about the quality, the food is inedible, and even though smoking in pubs has been banned for decades, it always smells like cigars in here. But if you want to partake in karaoke, play darts or cornhole, or have a nice round of cards or just shoot the shit after classes, it's the best place to be.

There is a sign on the wall stating magic shouldn't be used on the premises, and a smaller sign underneath specifying "unless it's funny". The dartboards regularly have pictures of whoever the least favorite professor of the week is pinned to them. Today it seems to be a new professor from the Artifice department. Tomorrow, who knows?

Sylph Gardens

It's become obvious by now that the rest of the pocket dimension, save for the immediate Stardust grounds and adjacent town, has been replaced by something entirely different.

Rainy Welsh skies, sloping hills and unending forest are no more. It's just a pastel vortex of sky now, as far as the eye can see. The Academy itself seems to have been ripped from the ground; you can't fly down to check it out yourself, but certain vantage points make it obvious that it's just a big chunk of rock floating in the air. It's incredibly unsettling, even if it does seem perfectly solid.

What was once the road you came down from when you entered the pocket dimension is now the gateway to something entirely new. A gold archway beckons you forward, and your curiosity gets the better of you. It's just... something about this place. It calls to you. And even though it seems like a poor idea, you can't help but answer.

Stepping through the gold arch leads you to a series of floating buildings suspended in the sky- something that you may or may not recognize as a sylph palace. Indeed, the blurry whispers of sylphs flutter around you, incorporeal and hasty. They don't harm or talk to you, but you get the definite impression they're there. Either going about their own business, or watching whatever it is you're up to. Don't worry, though. Their attention span is very limited; they get bored and move on after a few seconds, whether you're doing nothing at all or something impressive indeed.

The entry point to the palace is through the gardens, which is what you're standing in now. While it's undoubtedly a royal palace garden, everything is just a little bit askew- and the beautiful wisteria trees are all at a 45 degree angle, probably from the strong winds that blow through every so often. The grass under your feet is purple, the flowers are of a kind you don't recognize, and the water in the fountains flows the wrong way. It's unnerving. Nobody is here to disturb you as you walk, and gold fences around the edge prevent you from being blown off into the sky below. Which is a good thing... because there really does seem to be an unending void of sky beneath your feet.

Throne Room

Past the gardens is the entrance to the palace itself. Unfortunately, a lot of it seems to have crumbled away over time; while the Throne Room is intact, many of the other rooms are lost to the winds. The throne itself is pure gold, with the marble ceilings lined with wisteria-purple banners. Should you sit on the throne sylph phantoms will assemble to bow before you before going about their day.

The palace is beautiful... but the longer you spend here, the more you notice that the architecture itself is distorted. Things aren't quite aligned. The lines aren't straight. Some doorways are too small, too big, too curved. Windows are where they shouldn't, or not where they should. No two tiles beneath your feet match each other, and some of them are cut into shapes that hurt your eyes a bit to look at. But if you close your eyes, then sure. It's beautiful.

No apparent guardrail is preventing you from jumping off one of the many gaps where the rest of the building blew away, but if you actually DO try to jump, a mysterious force stops you from doing so. Whew.

Bell Tower

A spiral staircase leading off from the Throne Room takes you up to the Bell Tower, which is exactly what it says on the tin! A tall spire with myriad bells at the top, some much smaller than others. There's a complicated glyph system on the wall up here which lets you chime the bells in different orders, should you be musically inclined. The only bell that doesn't chime is the largest- and that might be for the best, because this thing would absolutely deafen anyone standing below it. Like you are.

Apart from the bells, the other point of interest here is a balcony without any type of fencing stopping you from jumping off. If you do choose to take the plunge- and someone has helpfully posted a sign here of a little cartoon wizard doing so- strong updrafts will blow you right back up to the balcony without any harm done to you. It's quite fun, actually. Whee!

Cloud Factory

It's a little tricky, but hopping on the rubble floating in the sky allows you to visit places other than the Throne Room. In this case, going to your left will let you visit the tall building with even taller chimneys poking out of the roof. Many sylphs are gathered here; the sign on the top of the structure is in a language your magic cannot translate, but you get the feeling you know what this place is for anyway.

There's a luxurious couch lobby at the front of the building- but the real point of interest is at the back. A flight of stairs takes you to a series of complicated glyph controls engraved on a desk, which itself stands in front of a massive window. And we do mean massive; you could fly a whale through this thing. Tampering with the controls takes some getting used to, but once you know what they do... it looks like you can change the weather however you please. Sun, rain, wind, snow. Hell, you can go full Lego Island and make the whole place green if you so choose.

The only caveat here is that the truly hazardous weather conditions have been disabled, and whatever change you make is only going to last half an hour or so before fading back into the usual pastel-purple sunrise. No forcing your fellow students to suffer eternal tornadoes.

Race Track

Going to your right from the ruins of the Throne Room will eventually let you bounce across floating debris to a mostly intact, impressively designed structure in the distance. As you approach, it becomes clear that this is a racetrack. But what are you racing? Well, clouds, of course- stepping up to the starting line will make the mini chimney next to you spit out a fluffy white cloud that you can ride around on, just like Goku. The cloud will be tangible up until you try to exit the racetrack.

The clouds go pretty fast. If you ride one off the edge of the racetrack an updraft will send you back onto the course, the same as if you jumped off the Bell Tower. But that's not all! Should you start racing proper, you'll find that sylph apparitions throw orbs onto the course at random. Picking one of these up seems to give you weather-based tactical advantages- you can unlock the ability to stun your fellow racers with lightning, or pelt them with snowballs to make them veer off course. Is this...

Is this sylph Mario Kart? It is. It is sylph Mario Kart. Holy shit.

Pirate Town

The gilded arch leading to the sylph palace has disappeared along with the rest of the floating sky dimension, thank God, but what's replaced it isn't much better. A wooden jetty leads out to an endless expanse of ocean underneath a similarly endless sky. Six small boats are tied up here, each attached to a giant- and spectral- seahorse. The moment you and whoever's with you sit down in the boat, the seahorse lurches off at dangerously high speeds into the endless ocean. Wait, where are you going?!-

- Oh! Oh my. The mists of the ocean part to reveal quite the stunning scene- a massive shanty town made of several large and small ships, lashed together with ropes and walkways. It floats on the water off the shore of a tropical island, where you can see several other wrecked ships in the background. The shanty town seems to be bustling with activity, but not in the same way as the Academy; spectral forms, similar to the sylphs in the palace, wander to and fro. They do seem quite similar to the sylphs if you look closely, actually, but... ah, yes. These are undines! And they all have pirate hats on. Isn't that fun?

The seahorse boat drops you off at the main 'port' of the shanty town, where you can wander about as you so desire. The boat will wait patiently until you want to return to the Academy. No areas in the town are off limits to you; climb into the crows nests or scrabble around in the bilges to your hearts content, although you'll find that any cannonball or barrel of mead you try to bring back to the Academy will disappear halfway through the boat ride back. Alas, alas.

Bait Shop and Boat Rentals

You couldn't really interact with the sylphs in the palace, and the same is mostly true for the undines... but that doesn't include the giant hermit crab behind the counter here. He'll happily rent you a boat, or some fishing gear, or a surfboard; he'll even do it for free. I guess crabs don't believe in capitalism.

Unfortunately the 'endless' ocean seems to be quite limited indeed. Should you attempt to take a boat out to sea, or even in the direction of the Academy, you'll ping back to the pirate town after five minutes or so. Sorry. Looks like the only way back is by seahorse boat.

Swashbuckling Tavern

This fantastically stereotypical pirate tavern gives Flimsy Steve's more than a run for his money. The ale is great, the food is great, and the giant anemone taking your order doesn't seem to care if you give it money or not. The only downside is that their menu's 100% seafood. All surf and no turf. Alas.

Tiki Bar

Should you choose to step off the shanty town and swim/boat/surf over to explore the island, the first thing you'll see along the way is the Tiki Bar- because it's literally floating in the water. It's one of those bars that you swim up to and sit at, and once you're seated the sunglasses-wearing octopus bartender will make you a delicious drink without being asked. Er, the only downside is... well... should the drink... be... glowing... like that...?

Shipwreck

Closer to the island is an extravagant ship that's run aground on a sandbar. It's full of incredible fineries... that have all been ruined by exposure to the elements. Ugh. You bet this was AMAZING several hundred years ago. As it is, it's only really good if you want to indulge in spooky shipwreck pirate roleplay; nothing in here is salvageable.

Well, almost nothing. In what you think was once the captain's cabin is a painting untouched by the ravages of time, a clear contrast to the ruin surrounding it. You swear that it's so realistic that you could just... reach your hand in... and fall through. But you can't do that. Right? Well, not unless you're already used to falling through paintings, anyway...

Island

Swimming past the shipwreck takes you to the island proper. It isn't very big- it'd take you half an hour to walk around the perimeter, you think?- and has minimal signs of being settled. It's mostly just a beautiful white sand beach on the outside and tropical forest on the inside. Speaking of the beach; it's lovely. There's no other words. Absolutely pristine water, fun seashells for you to pick up, no dangerous wildlife, and a plethora of beach chairs scattered about for you to soak up the rays on. Just do make sure to put on some sunscreen before you lie down. You did get some sunscreen from the pirate town, right? They give it away for free there. Please don't get sunburned. Come on.

If you choose to head into the vegetation you'll see a dirt path. If you choose to try and get a coconut down from one of the myriad coconut trees here, you'll find that it's full of soy milk. ???????????????

Tidal Control Cabin

This island isn't flat! There's actually an incline that leads to a cliff, and at the top of that cliff is a small cabin. The cabin is minimally furnished, and only two things are of note in here. One is a children's book about swashbuckling pirate undines... wait, haven't you seen this in the Academy's library...? and the other is a glowing stone on a pedestal. The stone is far too heavy to lift, but you can turn it to one of three positions. As you turn it and watch the ocean from the cabin window, you can see that each position corresponds to low, middle, or high tide...

If you jump from the cliff you can cannonball into the water below. It's super fun- but you can only do it at high tide. Attempting to do it at low or middle is a death sentence.

Secret Pirate Cave

Golly! The stormy waters on this side of the island make it difficult to access this normally, but if you've got the rock set to low tide, it shouldn't be a problem to walk across the sand and access this SECRET PIRATE CAVE. And it sure is secret. And piratey. And a cave. It's full of treasure chests, glowing coral, weird crab creatures scuttling about, funny skeletons chained to walls... if you can think of a pirate cave from any given piece of media, some aspect of it features in here.

At the very end of the cave is a golden throne guarded by a giant enemy crab. Or you guess the crab is meant to guard it? What the crab is ACTUALLY doing is smoking a pipe off to the side, meaning you can sit on the throne all you want. Guess it's on smoke break. Alright.

Regrettably, much like the pirate town, anything you try to take from here will disappear on the boat ride back.

Mineshaft Entrance

This time, the road leading out from Stardust Academy has been replaced with a small concrete building jutting out from the cliff. It feels a bit surreal. Once you enter, you can see the spectral creatures du jour wombling around with clipboards in hand, muttering to each other in an unknown language about arbitrary squiggles on their papers. And it seems that the creatures this time around are... gnomes. Oh, there's no other way to slice this, they're gnomes. Gnomes with pointy hard hats and tiny fairy wings on their backs. You feel the urge to pick one up and put it on your lawn. Not that you could, since you can't touch them, but... you know.

On the wall is a row of 20 hard hats and high-vis vests, each color-coded to a member of the thesis class. It... appears that wearing them is mandatory, as the exit at the back of the building won't open unless all parties present have them on. Safety first. Once properly gussied up, you can head on through the door and into a mineshaft. A mineshaft? Yeah, guess that checks out. As soon as you step through, a minecart rumbles up on the tracks underfoot to transport you further into the cave. Guess there's no way but forward!

Primary Tunnel

The minecart sends you hurtling at questionably fast speeds (thank goodness you've got that hard hat on!) down a series of cramped tunnels until it spits you out into a massive cavern. As with everywhere else, there's no sky visible, but light is present nonetheless- shining in every color out of the gargantuan gems embedded in every surface. Some are so big you could have a picnic on their surface. Once you've reached the center of the cavern, the minecart slows to a stop; this is clearly the first point you can get off at. And you might wish to, because it's stunningly beautiful in here!

Gnomes are ambling to and fro with pickaxes to try and extract the gems from the walls, but they never seem to make any progress. Every so often one will give up, and that's when they head over to the other point of interest here- a little shack set up by a gnome in an apron that dispenses everything you need for a picnic. Blankets included. You can perch yourself on a gem if you'd like to picnic in here, or you can amble to the side where a crystalline pool of water has formed. It's perfectly safe to swim in, but very chilly!

You do notice that there are other tracks to go down. Should you wish to continue further into the caves, you just adjust a dial on the cart to pick your track and zoom on off.

Secondary Tunnel

This is more of a rollercoaster track than anything else. Choosing to take the far left track will send your minecraft rocketing through more tunnels (thankfully not as cramped as the ones you entered from) like a funfair ride, going fast enough to give you a thrill but slow enough that you can gawp at all the cool gems and rocks and stalactite formations you pass along the way. There's even a cave you'll pass by that has a band of gnomes playing a ska number, which you can enjoy for all of ten seconds before the minecart zooms off. All in all it takes about seven minutes to ride the secondary tunnel, which somehow ends in a loop the loop, before it spits you back out in the primary tunnel. You aren't sure how, but it's impossible to fall out of the minecart during the loop the loop. Gnome magic.

Tertiary Tunnel

The minecart trundles down the middle track at a much slower pace, and soon you can see why; glowing moss and tiny fungi are growing underfoot. The moss stays consistent in size but the fungi grow and grow until you arrive in a forest of giant mushrooms. Goodness gracious, they're enormous! You can hop off the minecart here and wander around; the fungi make you a little woozy if you lick them, and the moss is strangely warm to the touch, but nothing poses a threat. If you so choose you can climb up and bounce on the bouncy tops of the mushrooms- they have a similar effect to a trampoline- and the moss will cushion you if you fall off. How fun.

Forest Trail

The far right track sends you shooting into a pitch black, extremely cramped tunnel. You're regretting your decisions as you hurtle along in the darkness, until- suddenly- light? Wait, is that sunlight? Could it be-

Oh. Hm. Not quite. You emerge in a massive clearing, even larger than the primary tunnel, filled with actual trees. Pine trees, to be exact! But if you look up, the light is coming from a humungous orange gem embedded in the ceiling, flanked by many tiny smaller white gems. If you squint it looks like a sun and stars. That's cute, but still, kinda claustrophobic. Ech. This is still the biggest space you can get outside the Academy proper, though... in fact, this clearing might be bigger than the Academy's? You'll take what you can get.

A dirt path is marked out that starts where the minecart stops and heads into the trees. You can walk around in here all you like; oddly enough, there seem to actually be forest critters in here. Squirrels, deer, bears... although rest assured that none of them are aggressive, even should you try to pick a fight. They'll simply run away. The forest is quite peaceful, even though you have no idea how it's managing to thrive in a cavern, and has many winding side paths you can get lost in if you'd like. (If you do ACTUALLY get lost, just pop your familiar out and it'll lead you back home.)

Forest Cabin

At the end of one of these trails is a log cabin. It seems perfectly normal at first, even inviting; all the furniture is well-maintained, a fire is roaring in the fireplace, and the pantry is stocked with non-perishable goods. You could easily spend a good few hours here, having a hot chocolate with marshmallows and getting cozy on the bear skin rug... but that's all you're going to get, because after a certain amount of time things get creepy instead. Weird noises become audible outside. The lights start to flicker. Strange shadows move in the corner of your eyesight. Eventually the furniture starts moving, and you can hear someone right outside the window...

But when you step outside to confront them, or simply bolt out the front door and flee, no threat is present. Everything is normal again- even though the door has locked itself behind you.

Weird. Maybe it'll be better next time. :^)

Hot Springs

At the end of another trail is... a plume of steam...? Huh. Wait, hold on. As you approach, you can see what clearly looks to be a natural set of hot spring pools, complete with capybara chilling out- and, yes, there do seem to be a large amount of fresh citrus fruit in the water as well. It smells incredible. The water is hot but not scalding, and it's oh-so-inviting. There are no walls or anything, but don't worry: someone has clearly thought ahead and constructed a small wooden building right next to the pools. Stepping in reveals a set of simple bathing suits hanging on the wall, again color-coded for each member of the thesis class, and some changing cubicles to get dressed in. There's also some fluffy towels, and... hmm? What's this? A coldbox full of milk bottles? Alright!

You're free to soak in the hot springs as long as you want. However, again, there's absolutely no privacy for these pools- so please use the bathing suits. Don't freeball it. Gnomes occasionally come by to take a dip too and if they see your dick swangin they will become corporeal for just long enough to beat your ass.

Dry, Dry Desert

The mineshaft leading into the Gnome Dome has disappeared, now replaced with... the open maw of a massive skeleton. Some sort of dinosaur, you suppose, although it's difficult to tell what sort of dinosaur was so huge that all of you could fit inside its mouth comfortably. Should you enter the skull's mouth you can walk along the vertebrae within, crossing a ravine full of lava (it's hot but not painful. Convection who? Never heard of her) and ending at the other side.

What expands before you as you exit the skeletal bridge is an arid desert, sweeping dunes punctuated by cliffs of red stone and rivers of lava. Massive skeletons dot the landscape here too, so great that you can't begin to imagine where these might have come from. If they came from anywhere at all. Worrisome.

The sky always remains the same, unfortunately, but the temperature does fluctuate based on whether it's day or night.

Dune Sea

The landscape is mostly defined by dunes of sand. You can wander out through these as you like, but eventually the horizon will loop and bring you right back to where you started. While there are no giant worms out here, there ARE salamanders, with charred little wings on their backs; and, unlike their predecessors, they're very much tangible. They'll let you ride them around the dunes if you like.

Roaming around the dunes will rustle up a variety of interesting things- ancient eggs, strange prehistoric relics, massive skeletons, cool rocks- but, as with all the zones before them, you can't bring anything back to the Academy with you. You can bring stuff in though. Have a dinosaur bone picnic. Why not.

Skele-Cafe

One of the largest skeletal remains in this landscape has had a cheery little banner strung across it, reading... something... in a series of hieroglyphs you're not familiar with. Approaching will reveal a cute little cafe manned by salamanders with frilly aprons on. They don't exactly speak words, but they'll serve you food and drink for free. Try their Giant Omelette or Fizzy Lava Cup (Not Real Lava) today!

They don't have proper seats though. You have to sit on a bunch of vertebrae scattered around. It's all bones, baby.

Rock Climbing

The side of one of the cliffs out here has been installed with a variety of rock climbing features. There's ropes and harnesses, buckets of chalk, and several climbing tracks sorted by difficulty. The sand underneath is particularly soft just in case you forget to tie a harness on and fall off anyway.

The absolute hardest climbing track goes for more than thrice the length of the other tracks; successfully completing it puts you on the very top of the cliff, victorious and ready to look down on your competitors. There is nothing up here except a stone trophy (bolted to the ground) that someone has chiselled "YUOR'E WINNER" onto.

Prehistoric Skate Park

Oh fuck yes. This series of natural stone formations just so happens to perfectly resemble a set of half pipes, ramps, and other skating props that wouldn't look out of place in Tony Hawk or Spyro the Dragon 3. A salamander has set up shop outside the front with a shack that lets you get skateboards, protective gear, and mozzarella sticks.

Most importantly, someone has dragged a big fucking gramophone out here that is playing nothing but Ska. Is this on loan from the Gnome Dome? Well, whatever. Pick it up, pick it up.

Oasis

Backbeat, the word is on the street that the fire in your heart is- oh, wrong oasis? Sorry. Nestled in the dunes and lava rivers is a small oasis of crystal clear water, surrounded by palm trees. It's difficult to find- in fact, er, the location seems to change at random- but it's no mirage! Once you're in, the soothing water seems to melt all your worries away.

There are two pools in the oasis. One is clear and still, safe to swim in (and drink from, which is where the salamanders get their water, so DO NOT CONTAMINATE IT). The other is smaller and has thermal vents in it so it's basically a hot tub. If you're thirsty you can even knock down the coconuts from the palm trees to get a drink, but... yeah, they're still filled with soy milk. Who is doing this? Sasha? Is Sasha lactose intolerant? There isn't even lactose in normal coconut milk.

Wait, no, hold on. One coconut does not have soy milk. It just has pilk.

Tent

There is a small tent set up flush to the cliffs, quite a ways away from anything else. Entering the tent... reveals that it's full of excavation gear, and it's hiding an entrance into a cliff cave. A salamander with a hard hat is taking a nap here. Should you head into the cave properly, you'll find that it's quite cool and dank, in stark contrast to the outside. The cave goes on for seemingly forever, only illuminated by lanterns the salamanders have come in and set up beforehand.

Should you head far enough into the darkness, you'll come across something quite remarkable; a large cavern pool, filled to the brim with ancient creatures. Wow, is that a Hallucigenia? So THAT'S how it walked. Incredible! They're all very placid, although they'll flee if you try to eat them.

Oddly enough, there is one thing out of place. On a small rock... is a carving... my God. My God. This carving is of a rotund beast... two legs... no arms... a bobbly little tail. What could this mean? You don't know.

???

You can see movement on the horizon, on a cliff top, far, far away. You'll need a salamander or some other form of transportation to get there, and the climb up is fairly challenging. It's a real effort to get up there.

But when you do.

You find.

https://youtu.be/tFcqLh6civA

Yeah.